Body Image

I'm up late printing and working on my computer for the magazine deadline, and I was scrolling through some of the links of the day on fitness and health. One of the little articles I read talked about learning to love yourself in the mirror and phrase things positively when looking at your parts.

I worked with teenagers (still teach them karate) and I went on many trips. Five or six girls would end up piled on one of the queen size hotel beds in their pajamas talking about wearing this or eating that and snippets of what they thought of their bodies would drop all throughout the conversation. Always curious about how the female mind works, even mine, I prompted an open discussion about body image--specifically what each of them experience when they look in the mirror.

What I discovered was that on average, when one of these girls looked in the mirror, she gave herself four or five negative criticisms to a single self-compliment. What! Maybe I'm positively warped from the attitude my parents had toward their bodies, but when I look in the mirror, even now, I give myself four or five compliments to a single negative. Sometimes I leave out the negative, but there are quite a few days right now when I'm not really happy with my hair.

I've never had too much of a problem with my weight. Even now I'm comfortable with what I lost the first year after my baby was born. I would like to be more focused on working out, but I would like to be more focused on a lot of things. I'm losing the weight steadily by maintaining the habits I had before I got pregnant for the last time and they are paying off. My day would be miserable if I always started it out by telling myself how much I suck. Yikes.

I suggest for anybody out there to get started on a more uplifting influence to tape five affirmations to their mirror and read them OUT LOUD every day at least once, and definitely before your mind has a chance to get too far down the list of negatives it usually recites. Try it. It's actually kind of fun. Well, mine are mostly in my head, but my husband does write notes to me on our bathroom mirror that either tell me I'm cool or that he wants to go see a particular movie. I talk to myself in the mirror as if my reflection is another person (don't worry--I've never answered myself back) and do my affirmations that way. I also vent that way, sometimes, too. It's hard to be negative for too long when I see how twisted my face gets when I'm mad.

(I also used to talk to myself in the mirror when I had to write an essay or paper for school, but that's something else entirely.)

sunSHINE

I haven't worked out really hard in probably two weeks. Ouch. But the upside of that is that my hips feel good, relaxed. I wonder what that's all about.

I went for a walk today, finally. Nothing like spending a couple of miles in the sunshine! Now that's the kind of exercise I'm talking about in the great outdoors. I am praying that the weather holds and just gets better so that I can get out for walks and get into my yard routine. Walking goes well with my badonkadonk plan.

Put Your Back Into It

My hips hurt. I got out of doing my slimdown workout because my husband took my workout ball to loan to some girls he works with. Well, that was my excuse, although I could have done any of a dozen other things in place of the 1/8 of the workout that uses the ball.

So I did the slimdown again on Wednesday after karate, which made my hips stiff and sore, and then I worked out hard in karate on Friday doing something I haven't done in a year and my hips hurt just enough to keep me awake last night. I want them to get better, and they are getting better--the chiropractor has a lot to do with that--but as they get better I push them to the limits of their flexibility and then I hurt, like now. They hurt the most when I do some new kind of workout. After I do the workout for awhile, it doesn't bother my hips as much. I threw two workouts into the same week that my body wasn't used to doing and now I hurt.

It is a stiffness in my hips that stretches across my lower back. It makes it really hard to get comfortable to sleep, or do anything, really. They will feel a little better tomorrow, and then maybe better on Monday if I workout in a stretchy way. What we get for having babies.

I weighed myself today and I'm holding steady at 175. Since my baby girl was born last year, I have lost sixty pounds. Thirty more will put me back at my prepregnancy weight and make me as happy as can be. Ten more than that would be cool, but it's not really necessary and not really what I'm aiming for.

I just have to work with my hips, and so far they are not negotiating the way I want them to.

Evening Eater

Coming up in the April issue (hopefully out this weekend) is an article by Joyce Buhler on different kinds of eaters. You'll have to read the whole thing to learn which kind of eater you are, but I am an evening eater--it means that I consume most of my calories at the end of the day.

Now, I don't skip breakfast, but I usually gulp down a Boost (a liquid meal) and head off to karate, then eat something for lunch that is easy and out of the freezer because it seems like unnecessary work to fix a meal for just me and the baby. Then I make dinner and hang out on the couch with my husband and usually snack around 8:30 or 9:00 after my boys have gone to bed. I snack on trail mix, eat cookies, or munch on a treat like pie. Occasionally I have a bowl of cereal or a hot dog, but the point is that I eat something because 1. it's a habit I have with my husband, and 2. I am short on my calories from not eating like I should earlier in the day when I'm being active.

Joyce is going to expand on exactly how eating patterns affect weight, but I'm sure my pattern affects my body's metabolism throughout the day. And at night I always reach for convenience foods because I'm not about to cook after the sun goes down.

I can think of ways to change this--obviously eat meals like I should and my two or three healthy snacks a day--but I'm not sure how to build it into my routine. Making lunch seems to take so much time during the day when I'm in the middle of doing other things. I'm okay at eating leftovers if I like them, but that's only a couple of days a week.

Anyway, I will have to decide that eating well is worth my time during the day and make a point of it. I've also fallen away from planning dinners well enough to make sure I have what I need for a healthy meal in the pantry and the fridge. I'll have to work meal planning in general into my week.

AAAACCCCCHHHHH!

Faithful

I got to go outside today! I love to be outside doing anything--walking, yardwork, playing, watching my kids play at the park. I got outside for a walk today, and I'm about to go out to do a little tree trimming. Yardwork is just around the corner.

I love the kind of exercise that doesn't feel like exercise. I think that's why I like sports so much; it's easier to be in the moment giving it your all than when I'm on a machine and thinking of nothing other than not looking at my time until the next commercial break.

Yardwork is supposed to burn somewhere around 350 calories an hour. I can do yardwork all day. It's completely mentally consuming and at the end of it I get to look at my yard and see what I've done.

The challeng of yard work is that it's a sort of 'seize the day' activity around here because it's hit and miss with the wind that blows really hard in the spring and the summer afternoons. That makes it harder to schedule workouts because when the day is nice, I ditch EVERYTHING else and go outside to work on my yard.

So far I've been sticking with the workout routine I made for myself a couple of weeks ago. It's intense, but I like it for that reason, and my husband hitches a ride on some of my routines. Right now I 'm heading up to the 'The Shop' for my weight routine and the sauna.

To reach my prepregnancy weight by the end of the year, I have to lose an average of three pounds each month. To reach my goal weight, I have to lose an average of four pounds each month. That's one pound a week. Doesn't sound so bad when I think of it that way. I'm still determined to visit the scale as little as possible and just focus on how the workouts make me feel, but the weight loss goal is also driving me, always in the back of my mind.

Dis-ap-point-ment

So, I had my weigh-in, too. According to the scale, I didn't lose anything. I didn't gain anything either, but I feel more tone and tighter in my core. I spent days over the last week sore in different muscles and I'm sleeping better at night.

I wasn't too surprised, and not even really disappointed. There's a reason I don't own a scale. What matters to me is that my jeans fit the way I like them, I can see muscle in the mirror, and I can do two or more hours of karate at a hard pace without passing out. I'm getting there, and that's what matters.

I do really feel like I lost some inches (or quarter inches, or 1/8 inches) because my gi pants fit a little more loosely. I think Carl was more disappointed than me about the whole thing. He's working as hard as I am to lose this weight. He didn't quite pout on the outside, but I could tell he pouted on the inside.

I usually don't lose the rest of my baby weight until I stop nursing, which will be around March for me. Until then, my body wants to hang on to what it has to feed a growing baby. I'm alright with it. I'm sculpting underneath the momma suit and it will all pay off, just not maybe the way you'd expect. When I stop nursing, I'll lose ten pounds off my chest the first week. That'll be a good week for Carl.

I feel better, I move better, and I'm liking the treadmill a little more every time I get on there. Now I better hit the hay so that I have what I need for karate in the morning and Carl in the evening Yawn..........

Charisma and Abs

I met Carl tonight. Carl Parker, the fitness consultant and life coach. He's something like Mark Wahlberg in that movie where he plays the football guy on the Eagles. Charisma and abs. That's what I want to have by the end of this year--charisma and abs. I want to put 'sexy' in between Jenn's 'super' and 'mom.'

I'm excited to work out. I'm excited to be pushed, molded into some sort of Greek sculpture that makes the gods envious of my beauty. That's how I like to think about it.

Carl has given me one main task. I must stop drinking diet Coke. Now Carl is not discriminatory when it comes to diet Coke--he's equally against any soda. And we all knew this was coming.

That's why (gasp!) I will stop drinking diet Coke. I have to. I know it. I've done it before, but in my world, where I like to think I have so few bad habits, I feel as if I have a right to indulge in SOMETHING. And that has been diet Coke.

And, so, as I move on to a new relationship, here are my last words:

Diet Coke, we have been friends for awhile. And I can't say that it has been a good thing. I realize now that I was just using you. I got together with you after I broke up with Dr. Pepper, and although our relationship has lasted a long time, it began when I was on the rebound and I realize now that you are not what I need. I was using you as a crutch to make me feel better after sleepless baby nights and during magazine layout. But no more. It is better for us both if we move on. I have found a new love, Water, and we are building a close relationship based on sweat and pee. I will miss you, but this is how it has to be according to Carl.

A Pic is Worth a Thousand Words

So Michelle and I took our 'before' pictures today. I have been feeling fairly good about the weight I've lost so far since my baby, and I've stayed pretty optimistic about losing the rest of it over the coming year. We took the pics, which didn't bother me since I'm not what you'd call shy.

And then I saw mine on the little camera screen.

I have a little farther to go than I thought. I told my husband about taking the pics, and he asked what I thought.

"Not so bad."
"No, really, what did you think? Come one, didn't anything come up for you?"
"Well, yeah. I'm bigger than I thought."

Hmmm. Even as I write this I tell myself that I've been losing the weight just fine. The part I liked the least, since we took front, back and side shots, are the backs of my arms. I'm surprised it wasn't my butt--maybe I'm starting to agree with my husband that my butt is sexy--but the backs of my arms are NOT SEXY. They have all of the breastfeeding mama fat on them right now. To be honest, I've never really liked the backs of my arms. Even when I was bowflex buff they never quite got to be as toned as I wanted them to be. I do like tank tops, though. Not skinny bra strap tanks, but the buff gonna go work on a car tanks (wifebeaters, but what do you call them when the woman wears them? Husband beaters?).

Later I meet Karl. That's another blog. He's going to be my new best friend, except that I pulled my back out in karate yesterday and couldn't even bowflex when mMichelle came over this morning. So, Karl will be my new best friend in the near future.

Family Her-Story

I guess I should commit to a target weight for the next year. I would really like to get back down to 145, which is where I felt like a hot mom and could do karate or haul rocks in my yard all day. Hmmm, I think I'll shoot for 140. I'm more interested in having a tight butt and guns. I like to wear tank tops and show off buff arms.

My last weigh-in on my dad's scale was 182. That gives me another 40+ pounds to go, which I think is possible but still a challenge for me. I'm only 5'1" and the charts say I'm supposed to weigh 118. At 140 I don't think I'll have anything else to lose but my boobs. Not willing to sacrifice those. I have an intimate relationship with Victoria's Secret that I'm not going to give up. And while I have a larger badonkadonk, I don't necessarily want to lose it. I just want it to look good.

Last night I showed Jenn and Michelle my dad's gym. He has his own personal work out equipment that rivals Gold's Gym (minus the treadmills--we don't do treadmills, we do karate). I grew up in a family that works out. Always have, always will. My dad has a six-pack and he's sixty-one years old. I've always taken it for granted that I would stay in shape. We eat, sleep, work out, and practice procreation. It's just the family value system. My daily priorities put working out above doing my hair. If I only have an hour and I have to choose between getting sweaty and washed up or showering and make-up, getting sweaty always wins. My dad gives us things like Bowflexes for Christmas presents. He's not giving us a not-so-subtle hint, he's giving us something he knows we'll use and enjoy.

I also never saw my mother 'diet' in terms of limiting calories. Never even heard the word until I got to high school. Cutting down on my calories was never my solution to weight. I eat when I'm hungry and I eat until I'm full. Now that I'm over 30, I have become conscious of my own family's daily menu because I want my husband and I to live a very long time. He's at high risk for heart attack and diabetes, and I don't want to be a fit and beautiful widow.

I feel lucky for the legacy of working out. It makes things so much easier now when it comes to staying healthy. I want to leave the same for my children.

BFF

I am tired. I had a good workout in karate today and I can feel it all the way through my muscles. It wasn't the kind of workout that makes the sweat drip down your face and onto the dojo floor, but it was the kind of workout that hits every part of your muscles. We worked on kicks, so it's mostly in the legs. Gonna sleep well tonight.

I'm really proud of Michelle and Jenn. It's one thing to struggle with your body privately and be self-critical without an audience, but it's a brave thing to put your thoughts, feelings, and struggles out there for everybody to see and hear. I'm not very shy or self-conscious, and weight is an issue that I'm not very emotional about. I know that it is not so matter-of-fact for many others. I think it's impressive that Michelle and Jenn are sharing all of this with you because it's a hard issue to share. Especially so publicly.

I'm glad that at the end of it all, we'll have a longer forever as BFFs. The best part of it for me is knowing that my friends will be healthier and live longer and we will have many girlfriend trips to Las Vegas!

Badonkadonk

I forgot to fill out my food log today. When I went to fill it out, I couldn't really remember everything I had eaten. So, I wrote down something like this:

I was hungry, and the hunger was not good. I went in search of Food in the great land of Kitchen. I found some Food, and I ate it, and it was good, and it banished the hunger.

I've been thinking about what I want to get out of this contest. Everybody has an issue with a particular part of their body. I tend to pick on my butt (not pick my butt, but pick ON my butt). It's a genetic marker that I don't mind most of the time, but when I have some extra weight on me, it goes there. I have decided that I want to have a snazzy badonkadonk (hee-hee, that's a fun word. Say it with me--BA-DONK-A-DONK. Okay, again--BA-DONK-A-DONK). I have an easy time toning the rest of my body, but my badonkadonk lags behind a little. It still looks good when I'm in shape, but Iwant to take it to the next level with some body sculpting. It would be cool to end up somewhere between Brooke Burke and Terminator.

The Contest

So this is set up as a contest. I'm not sure how getting in shape works as a contest. I've always just done it for me, not even just to look good. I get addicted to the way my body feels when I'm strong and flexible and have enough endurance to save the world and have dinner on the table by 5:00.

In this blog you'll put up with me talking about karate a lot. Well, 'a lot' is probably an understatement. I'll probably talk about karate pretty much every blog. If it gets too redundant, let me know. I'll take your comment into consideration and then still probably talk about karate in every blog. It's what I have morphed into through years of hard training. It sounds cool, I know. It's fun to tell people what I do, "I teach karate at a boarding school," and then not quite as fun to listen to the jokes about beating them up, etc. I don't kick anybody's ass but my own. I just push myself to be better because outside of karate I don't have many limits to push.

I've trained in karate for about eight years, or seven if you discount this last year that I was pregnant and couldn't train. My baby caused some problems with my hips and I'm still getting over them, and the thirty-plus extra pounds I'm still carrying around has set me back a few years in training, but I'm catching up fast.

If these first posts sound a little dry, it's probably because I'm inexperienced at blogging and it'll take me a few rounds to warm up. That's why I'm starting now.

More tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...

Getting Ready

So, the girls decided that we are going to go on a weight loss venture. I just had my third baby, gained ninety pounds, and I've already lost about fifty of it. I got a head start :).

I've been fit for years. I've always gained a lot of weight with my babies, but after each of my two boys, I came out ten pounds lighter in the long run. I teach karate at a boarding school, so my workouts are built in and I get paid for it. After my girl was born in March, I've had to admit that I'm older and it's not so easy. I've never been on a 'diet.' I've never restricted my calories and I don't know how I'll do if the dietician gets involved. Hmmm...I guess we'll find out.