Charisma and Abs

I met Carl tonight. Carl Parker, the fitness consultant and life coach. He's something like Mark Wahlberg in that movie where he plays the football guy on the Eagles. Charisma and abs. That's what I want to have by the end of this year--charisma and abs. I want to put 'sexy' in between Jenn's 'super' and 'mom.'

I'm excited to work out. I'm excited to be pushed, molded into some sort of Greek sculpture that makes the gods envious of my beauty. That's how I like to think about it.

Carl has given me one main task. I must stop drinking diet Coke. Now Carl is not discriminatory when it comes to diet Coke--he's equally against any soda. And we all knew this was coming.

That's why (gasp!) I will stop drinking diet Coke. I have to. I know it. I've done it before, but in my world, where I like to think I have so few bad habits, I feel as if I have a right to indulge in SOMETHING. And that has been diet Coke.

And, so, as I move on to a new relationship, here are my last words:

Diet Coke, we have been friends for awhile. And I can't say that it has been a good thing. I realize now that I was just using you. I got together with you after I broke up with Dr. Pepper, and although our relationship has lasted a long time, it began when I was on the rebound and I realize now that you are not what I need. I was using you as a crutch to make me feel better after sleepless baby nights and during magazine layout. But no more. It is better for us both if we move on. I have found a new love, Water, and we are building a close relationship based on sweat and pee. I will miss you, but this is how it has to be according to Carl.