Tomboy Tools

So here I am sporting the COOLEST fashion for women--a toolbelt! I love this stuff. If any of you are like me, it is the woman of the house who uses the tools in the garage to fix stuff around the house, hang pictures, and paint. Well, Tomboy Tools makes all of the stuff you need to fit your smaller female hands and shoulders. This toolbelt also just looks cool.

I have small hands, even for a woman, and my husband has big hands, even for a guy. I have always manned up and used my husband's gargantuan drill with the big huge battery hanging off the bottom to hang all of my household decorations (because sometimes, even though he means well, he just doesn't do it right) and I like to paint because color is always better than white.

I had a party, sort of like the tupperware thing but we made a hobo golf game that I got to keep and my kids play all of the time. Jen Guzel and Emma Taylor came out and showed me and my lady friends, who also do most of the stuff around their houses, how to use several of the tools and we built the game right there on the spot. If you want to find them for an awesome tool party and make a hobo golf game or a recycling sorter for your garage, email Jen at www.tomboytools.info/utahjen or Emma Taylor at www.tomboytools.info/emmataylor. They love to do this!

I also have lost four more pounds off of my badonkadonk! Down to 171 and holding steady for now. I have really taken to the elliptical in my livng room and that seems to be a good way for me to get a workout every day no matter how crazy. My husband has also lost fifteen pounds working out and watching what he eats. Yeah for us!!! Slow and steady--that's the way to go!

Accessorizing

I have a new piece of living room furniture. It's called an elliptical training machine, otherwise known as a 'badonkadonk torture device.' No, really I like the elliptical, not necessarily as a piece of living room furniture, but if Ihave to choose a workout machine, I will always choose the elliptical. Ellipticals are boring, bikes are boringer, and treadmills are boringest, so I went with the elliptical.

We moved it into the house last Wednesday and so far I've worked out on it twice. Really I prefer karate or a nice long walk, but after trying to count on those for the past couple of months, I decided to get real. I teach karate, which means I don't usually work out, and as for walks--have you seen the wind here? It turns walking into a competitive sport.

I've decided to commit to actually working out, no excuses, at least three days each week. That includes strength training and cardio. Now I get to watch The Tudors while I do it (with the volume up to 40 because the machine squeaks). I get to sweat, and I really do hit that endorphine high about fifteen minutes into it. We'll do a real check-in with the badonkadonk and the scale mid-June--with pics and everything!

Positive Sentiment Override

Self-affirmations are hard for some people. I will admit that my ability to do it has been something I have probably taken for granted most of my life. Thanks to a comment on my previous blog, I realize I might have made it sound as if it should be easy for everybody. I wasn't thinking that, I was just trying to give you a place to start if you thought it might work for you.

Another aspect of this is that I tend to have a positive collection of thoughts about others and their physical make up. When I look at another person, it is similar to when I look at myself; I usually think of four or five positives about their appearance to maybe a negative, and the negative tends to be the last on my list.

For example, when I'm with Michelle, I think about how much I like her eyes and that she has nice lips. This is not a compliment in comparison to myself--I don't have to think that I don't have nice eyes in order to think that she has nice eyes, I just think that she has nice eyes. Same with the lips. Jenn has great hair and nice lips (no, I am not into kissing girls, these are just examples from people I see often). I think my sister-in-law Andrea has great hair, eyes, style, and movement. My cousin Ragan is pretty all over. I think these things when I see them.

Maybe it would be easier to be positive about the appearance of others, but you have to be careful that their positives do not result in thinking negatively about yourself in comparison. It's just things about them you find pleasant to look at, not things that you think are better about them than you.

Now, I can say that I have a positive sentiment override when it comes to thinking of someone's appearance, but I'm no saint. I go apenuts about people's habits. I don't even want to go there because I can be mentally downright cruel about a pet peeve. Some things I easily let go when I realize I have no control over it, but I really get in a fit over things that I think I should control and try to control. Ouch.

So, your butt and your thighs are safe with me, but you better be sure to put the toilet seat down!

Body Image

I'm up late printing and working on my computer for the magazine deadline, and I was scrolling through some of the links of the day on fitness and health. One of the little articles I read talked about learning to love yourself in the mirror and phrase things positively when looking at your parts.

I worked with teenagers (still teach them karate) and I went on many trips. Five or six girls would end up piled on one of the queen size hotel beds in their pajamas talking about wearing this or eating that and snippets of what they thought of their bodies would drop all throughout the conversation. Always curious about how the female mind works, even mine, I prompted an open discussion about body image--specifically what each of them experience when they look in the mirror.

What I discovered was that on average, when one of these girls looked in the mirror, she gave herself four or five negative criticisms to a single self-compliment. What! Maybe I'm positively warped from the attitude my parents had toward their bodies, but when I look in the mirror, even now, I give myself four or five compliments to a single negative. Sometimes I leave out the negative, but there are quite a few days right now when I'm not really happy with my hair.

I've never had too much of a problem with my weight. Even now I'm comfortable with what I lost the first year after my baby was born. I would like to be more focused on working out, but I would like to be more focused on a lot of things. I'm losing the weight steadily by maintaining the habits I had before I got pregnant for the last time and they are paying off. My day would be miserable if I always started it out by telling myself how much I suck. Yikes.

I suggest for anybody out there to get started on a more uplifting influence to tape five affirmations to their mirror and read them OUT LOUD every day at least once, and definitely before your mind has a chance to get too far down the list of negatives it usually recites. Try it. It's actually kind of fun. Well, mine are mostly in my head, but my husband does write notes to me on our bathroom mirror that either tell me I'm cool or that he wants to go see a particular movie. I talk to myself in the mirror as if my reflection is another person (don't worry--I've never answered myself back) and do my affirmations that way. I also vent that way, sometimes, too. It's hard to be negative for too long when I see how twisted my face gets when I'm mad.

(I also used to talk to myself in the mirror when I had to write an essay or paper for school, but that's something else entirely.)

Pay it Forward

I've been thinking today about the legacy my parents gave me about body image and relationships with food. I think I got pretty lucky.

Children develop their ideas about food from their parents' relationship with food. Emotional eaters, for example, learned that food would somehow make things better, or something like that. When I got hurt as a kid, my mom would give me a glass of water. She told me, now that I'm grown and she can confess all of her parenting 'wisdom' (and sins), that she gave us water because it's impossible to drink and cry at the same time. So I guess I look at water as the substance that is meant to cure ills. If you have a bad day, drink water.

My husband got a different message. When he was hurt or had a bad day, his stepdad gave him.....OREOS. So guess what he craves when he's having a really bad day? That's right, sweets. (Oreos are now saved for a crisis, so I know there's something big going on when they come home in the grocery bags.) But he'll go for things such as cookies, pudding, M&Ms, etc. when he's stressed getting his school done.

My grandma started the water-when-you're-hurt thing because her mother used to give her cake, and she caught on as an overweight adult that she looked to cake to fix her problems. She wanted to change that for her children. Smart woman. I didn't give her nearly enough credit when she was alive

My parents also passed on a fitness ethic. To live, it's essential to eat, sleep, and work out. Also, women are better when they have curves than when they are skinny and flat-chested like a boy. Well, they passed on that women are women and it's not the weight that makes the person. The whole time I was pregnant and blowing up like a balloon, my family just told me it wasn't a big deal because I'd for sure lose the weight because I'm an active person and they'd seen me do it before. It's how they support me--that and giving me bowflexes and a job teaching karate.

I think of this often with my own kids. What kind of relationship with food am I teaching them to have? What kind of workout ethic am I passing on? What kind of relationship with my body am I modeling for them?

sunSHINE

I haven't worked out really hard in probably two weeks. Ouch. But the upside of that is that my hips feel good, relaxed. I wonder what that's all about.

I went for a walk today, finally. Nothing like spending a couple of miles in the sunshine! Now that's the kind of exercise I'm talking about in the great outdoors. I am praying that the weather holds and just gets better so that I can get out for walks and get into my yard routine. Walking goes well with my badonkadonk plan.

Put Your Back Into It

My hips hurt. I got out of doing my slimdown workout because my husband took my workout ball to loan to some girls he works with. Well, that was my excuse, although I could have done any of a dozen other things in place of the 1/8 of the workout that uses the ball.

So I did the slimdown again on Wednesday after karate, which made my hips stiff and sore, and then I worked out hard in karate on Friday doing something I haven't done in a year and my hips hurt just enough to keep me awake last night. I want them to get better, and they are getting better--the chiropractor has a lot to do with that--but as they get better I push them to the limits of their flexibility and then I hurt, like now. They hurt the most when I do some new kind of workout. After I do the workout for awhile, it doesn't bother my hips as much. I threw two workouts into the same week that my body wasn't used to doing and now I hurt.

It is a stiffness in my hips that stretches across my lower back. It makes it really hard to get comfortable to sleep, or do anything, really. They will feel a little better tomorrow, and then maybe better on Monday if I workout in a stretchy way. What we get for having babies.

I weighed myself today and I'm holding steady at 175. Since my baby girl was born last year, I have lost sixty pounds. Thirty more will put me back at my prepregnancy weight and make me as happy as can be. Ten more than that would be cool, but it's not really necessary and not really what I'm aiming for.

I just have to work with my hips, and so far they are not negotiating the way I want them to.

Evening Eater

Coming up in the April issue (hopefully out this weekend) is an article by Joyce Buhler on different kinds of eaters. You'll have to read the whole thing to learn which kind of eater you are, but I am an evening eater--it means that I consume most of my calories at the end of the day.

Now, I don't skip breakfast, but I usually gulp down a Boost (a liquid meal) and head off to karate, then eat something for lunch that is easy and out of the freezer because it seems like unnecessary work to fix a meal for just me and the baby. Then I make dinner and hang out on the couch with my husband and usually snack around 8:30 or 9:00 after my boys have gone to bed. I snack on trail mix, eat cookies, or munch on a treat like pie. Occasionally I have a bowl of cereal or a hot dog, but the point is that I eat something because 1. it's a habit I have with my husband, and 2. I am short on my calories from not eating like I should earlier in the day when I'm being active.

Joyce is going to expand on exactly how eating patterns affect weight, but I'm sure my pattern affects my body's metabolism throughout the day. And at night I always reach for convenience foods because I'm not about to cook after the sun goes down.

I can think of ways to change this--obviously eat meals like I should and my two or three healthy snacks a day--but I'm not sure how to build it into my routine. Making lunch seems to take so much time during the day when I'm in the middle of doing other things. I'm okay at eating leftovers if I like them, but that's only a couple of days a week.

Anyway, I will have to decide that eating well is worth my time during the day and make a point of it. I've also fallen away from planning dinners well enough to make sure I have what I need for a healthy meal in the pantry and the fridge. I'll have to work meal planning in general into my week.

AAAACCCCCHHHHH!

Having a Backbone

Today I go to see the chiropractor. I used to dread it a little, like going to the dentist, because I knew that in the moment it would be a little uncomfortable. But I also looked forward to it because I knew that even before I walked out the door, I would feel better.

I first went to see Dr. Fitzgerald at the Leading Edge Chiropractic when I was about four months pregnant with my beautiful little girl. My concern was that I had broken my ribs a few times (gotta love karate) on the right side and I had a residual issue with a couple of them being out of place and my growing baby made it a little worse.

My ribs haven't bothered me since the first few visits. I wish I had gone to see Dr. Fitzgerald back in 2002 after I broke my ribs the first time. I had a struggle with my ribs and my shoulder, but I pushed through karate workouts because, honestly, I'm just a karate junkie.

After my daughter was born, I continued to see Dr. Fitzgerald for my hips. I had what is called 'pubic symphesis dysfunction,' which means that my hips were splitting in the center and moving out of place and causing me pain and discomfort. While I was pregnant, nothing could be done for it except to just keep me on the couch until I had the baby. Now I continue to go to have everything adjusted because it's amazing what moves around just during daily life.

My hips are still getting better. They stiffen up on me after most of my workouts, but it's not as bad and doesn't last as long as it used to. It's amazing to me to be able to move around. A year ago, with my hips separating and a c-section, I couldn't get on my bed to sleep at night. I had to sleep in an easy chair and have my husband slowly help me up every time I had to pee. In the moment I thought my life was over, but looking back I tell myself 'it wasn't so bad.' I know I recovered quickly due to Dr. Nolte's care and Dr. Fitzgerald's help with my hip.

I'm still a little disappointed that I lived with the pain in my ribs for so many years before I finally went to the chiropractor. Never again. It's worth the time and money to see Dr. Fitzgerald every month and have my body aligned so that everything can flow and move the way it's supposed to.

Time to go!

Mantra

When I go to eat, I think often of the words of Joyce Buhler, the dietician who is contributing to the Healthy Edge. Less than you want to eat is still more than you need. It works. When I really want to eat more, I think of that phrase. I'm sure it's saving me more than just a few calories.

Before, I didn't control my portions. I ate when I was hungry and I ate as much as I wanted to. I worked out enough that I maintained my weight well, but I didn't learn much about portion control. Now that I'm older, fighting baby fat, and still working hard to get my hips to move, I need to watch what I eat as well as work out.

Less than you want to eat is still more than you need.

Going Lite

I had a light workout week this week. At least it seems that way, but really I only missed one workout on Wednesday because I randomly threw up and missed karate. It seemed random because I didn't feel sick, but then my son threw up that night and I figured I actually had something.

Anyway, I am starting to feel like I'm in my old body--the one I had before I had another baby. It's the way I can move. I worked out in my yard on Tuesday in the sunshine and shoveled some dirt around and felt GREAT! My hips were a little stiff later, but I'm getting over that faster and faster all the time.

Tomorrow is the slimdown and weights. That's some sweat! I'm getting excited about all of this again. About six-ten weeks into this whole thing I felt burned out and a bit grouchy about the hyper focus on losing weight. Now I'm motivated again and excited about being active. The more I do, the easier it is and the better it feels. And the sunshine really helps. I expect to lose the bulk of my extra weight this summer while I'm playing around in my yard, doing something I love and not even noticing that I'm 'working out.' And my yard will look great.

Yeah!

But I also have to give a shout out to my husband. Not only does he work out with me, but he does laundry and dishes and changes poopy diapers without making faces about it. Go Sean!!!!

Faithful

I got to go outside today! I love to be outside doing anything--walking, yardwork, playing, watching my kids play at the park. I got outside for a walk today, and I'm about to go out to do a little tree trimming. Yardwork is just around the corner.

I love the kind of exercise that doesn't feel like exercise. I think that's why I like sports so much; it's easier to be in the moment giving it your all than when I'm on a machine and thinking of nothing other than not looking at my time until the next commercial break.

Yardwork is supposed to burn somewhere around 350 calories an hour. I can do yardwork all day. It's completely mentally consuming and at the end of it I get to look at my yard and see what I've done.

The challeng of yard work is that it's a sort of 'seize the day' activity around here because it's hit and miss with the wind that blows really hard in the spring and the summer afternoons. That makes it harder to schedule workouts because when the day is nice, I ditch EVERYTHING else and go outside to work on my yard.

So far I've been sticking with the workout routine I made for myself a couple of weeks ago. It's intense, but I like it for that reason, and my husband hitches a ride on some of my routines. Right now I 'm heading up to the 'The Shop' for my weight routine and the sauna.

To reach my prepregnancy weight by the end of the year, I have to lose an average of three pounds each month. To reach my goal weight, I have to lose an average of four pounds each month. That's one pound a week. Doesn't sound so bad when I think of it that way. I'm still determined to visit the scale as little as possible and just focus on how the workouts make me feel, but the weight loss goal is also driving me, always in the back of my mind.

A Weight off my Shoulders

So, it's been about a month since I last worked out with Carl and weighed myself. I realized that I am happy with my own routine here at home and started using the weightlifting equipment I have already. I am disciplined when it comes to fitness and I enjoy it, especially when I don't have to stress out about driving and scheduling times.

Anyway, I have lost nine pounds in the last month! I realize part of it is making up for the previous two months when the needle on the scale didn't budge, but that's how losing weight goes. I knew I was losing inches and I was getting frustrated that the scale didn't match what I was feeling. Now it does. I don't really like scales. I prefer to go more based on how working out makes me feel, and the scale in this contest has been a kind of distraction and not really very encouraging. I decided I will weigh myself only once every month or so and try to focus on what I like--the exercise.

I have done the slimdown workout twice now. My husband did it with me on Saturday and is letting me know about every part of his body that is sore. I like working out with him. It's a really healthy and supportive way for us to spend time together. We hit the sauna after the workout and talked.

Then yesterday I met with my brother and went over a weight routine that I'm going to do twice a week. It coordinates well with the workout I get in karate three days each week so that I'm letting my muscles rest enough. I have a weekly routine figured out that works the slimdown and the weights in with my karate and gives me two days each week completely off.

I'm excited! Not so much for the weight loss, although that is encouraging, but more because I feel like my old self a little more every day. I can move better and have the endurance I had before. I can't wait for yardwork and walks with my baby this summer. They'll have to be worked in to my routine, but it'll be nice to be outside and doing something different than the winter routine.

I might even wear a swimsuit on a karate trip in April--we'll see!

New Workout

I started a new workout today that I want to do on my off-karate days. Thanks to Momma Bear, I am now sore and have to squint when I get up off of the toilet because my quads are so tired.

Momma Bear emailed me the link to a workout that Jillian Michaels designed for Self. It's a good one. I dripped sweat onto my living room floor, and that makes me happy.

I subscribe to Women's Health magazine, and I read it from cover to cover every month. They have some killer workouts, but many of the exercises require some kind of equipment that I don't have lying around the house. Gyms have all of the equipment that their routines ask for, but I don't keep my house equipped with a kettle ball and a weight bar and varying dumbells....etc. I also like exercises that use my own body weight and require me to balance with my core. This workout does all of that.

It does require a bench and a stability ball and a set of dumbells. I used my Bowflex bench, asked my dad for one of his stability balls (when it comes to working out, my dad can never tell me 'no'--where do you think the dumbells and the Bowflex came from?), and I have a set of three pound dumbells that I used even though the workout calls for 5 to 12 pound weights.

So, I'm going to be sore. I can feel it in several places. I do a really good job of working out on my own. I could have used a little help with the exercises on the stability ball since they were HARD (and my version looked more like a twitch than a full badonkadonk raise), but I motivate myself really well.

I really believe in finding what kind of exercise works well for you. Jenn likes the bike, Michelle is friends with the treadmill--I'm not a machine person. I like my bowflex, but that's the only 'machine' I've ever used consistently. I'm short, and I've found that most of the time the machines don't fit me very well because they are designed, most often, for the average man of 5'8" or taller, and I'm more than just a few inches shy. I also have really small hands and I have a hard time with the grips, too. If I wasn't so in to karate, I'd probably still prefer some sort of class, like the total body class at Kody's.

The workout I started is at www.self.com/fitness/workouts/2009/01-the-great-one-month-slimdown-slideshow I don't know if this link will work, but you can find it through self.com if nothing else. You might even find something else you like. I'm going to find something new to mix in there in a month or so to keep it fresh.

Good luck!

Body Talk

ME: So, how's it goin'?
BODY: A'right.
ME: Not so good, not so bad?
BODY: Pretty much.
ME: How are the workouts feelin'?
BODY: Some days I win, some days I lose.
ME: Yeah, sorry to throw that whole baby thing at you.
BODY: It only split my hips apart and cut me halfway open, no biggie.
ME: But she sure is cute.
BODY: Yeah, she is. You gotta love those beautiful blue eyes.
ME: I do. She gets a lot out of me with those eyes.
BODY: So how are you doing?
ME: Oh, you know, alright.
BODY: Somewhere in the middle, too?
ME: Yep. Umm....so how's the badonkadonk coming?
BODY: It's coming.
ME: Any way we could speed this up? You know, get it down so I can fit in my pants?
BODY: I'm doing what I can, woman. You gained ninety pounds on me and I've already taken care of fifty for you. Now you just stopped nursing, so I have to work all of that out of your system, your hormones have become Thing 1 and Thing 2, and you keep me so busy that I'm trying to do too many things at once. Your badonkadonk is just not at the top of the list.
ME: But I want it so badly!
BODY: Oh, go whine to Carl.
ME: Point taken.

House

No, not playing 'house,' or the building that you live in, but the show on the television starring Hugh Laurie.

Here's a little background:
House is a doctor at some hospital in Philadelphia or somewhere, and he is completely irrelevant to my point. Lisa Cuddy, the manager of the hospital where House works and wallows in his sad but entertaining issues, is an older single woman who just got an infant girl as a foster daughter. She's your typical power woman with the high profile/high stress job that requires her to work long hours and wear mini-skirt power suits. So she's trying to keep up with her first baby and her job, all as a single mom. And, lo and behold, she gets a little stressed out about family services coming to her house for a visit because she doesn't think anything's good enough because it's not perfect. Well, she passes the visit because she takes good care of the baby even though the house isn't spotless and she dropped a dirty diaper in her purse to try to hide it. (Silly woman, but we've all been there.) One of her colleagues, a male oncologist, asked her why she was trying to be such a superwoman and do everything by herself and expect absolute perfection. He told her that any man in her position would have two assistants for her job and a nanny and a wife at home to take care of all of that.

Totally true.

So why are we woman so afraid to ask for a little help or a little favor when it comes to getting some things done, or just getting to do what we want to for a couple of hours? I've been really hesitant to call a babysitter for my daughter, or ask a friend to watch her, because I don't want to inconvenience anyone. But when I watch a friend's kid for a few hours, I don't mind at all, AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE THEY OWE ME! This is not a game--there's no keeping score. It's just being human and being part of humanity. It is not an admission of weakness.
We are three moms putting together a magazine every month and taking care of our kids and our houses and our husbands (they're like big kids sometimes) and trying to save the world and have dinner on the table by 5:00 (and meet Carl's requirements of a healthy, low carb meal).

Go ahead, catch your breath. This is turning into a Michelle-length blog entry. (LOL Michelle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

So today I asked my mom to watch my baby girl so that I could go to the gym and sweat and work hard on my BO. And I didn't even feel bad, or like I had inconvenienced her, and I didn't feel bad about leaving my baby. I felt good, actually. I did 45 minutes on the elliptical and impressed Carl (which is easy, but it's also easy to disappoint him). I did the weight loss program on a resistance of 40 and still walked to my car without my knees buckling. And I'm already sore from these new squats I got out of my Women's Health magazine (oh, baby! here comes the badonkadonk!).

So, remember that we are our own community and we are here to help each other--no score!

Karate

Don't say I didn't warn you about all of the karate talk in these blogs.

I taught class for four hours on Friday and then for four hours on Monday. Friday was a workout, a hard workout that I still felt when I went back to the dojo on Monday for another four hours. The workout on Monday was slow and stretchy, more isometric than cardio, but I felt that still when I woke up this morning. I am totally and completely in love with karate.

And I am totally and completely in love with my husband who will sit with me in the sauna for an hour (less than that, but you know).
I get to go to karate for two hours tomorrow, and then four hours on Friday, and then we are having my sensei from Salt Lake City come out to do a workshop for us on Sunday for FOUR MORE HOURS! Then it starts all over with two hours on Monday, two hours on Wednesday...etc.

I am not totally in love with Carl. I like Carl, I think he is doing a good job with the general fitness thing although he needs to learn more about women (we're trying to give him a crash course and warm him up for you, ladies). But I do not get the same endorphin rush when I work out with Carl. I sweat and I burn a lot of calories and I sleep better at night, but I don't get excited about the elliptical or the treadmill or the bike. I get excited about kicks and punches and LOTS OF THEM. My students think I'm crazy because even though I'm in charge I still like to give myself a really hard workout.

And then I go home or to my dad's shop and bowflex and do some reps on the ab wheel and some leg excercises with my ankle weights. I managed to get sore from my shoulders down to my calves last week. YES! That's the good stuff. I plan to do it again this week. I do give myself a couple of days off after that for my muscle to rebuild, but I'm getting closer and closer to the endurance I had before this last baby.

I'm excited just thinking about it. I think it's important to find a kind of exercise that you really like. I prefer sports, something that allows me to move around. I might try a kickboxing class at Kody's to see what that's like since I got a recommendation from a friend. Or I might try to get in on some of the racquetball (Oh, CaaAARLl, have I got some plans for you, and you can't wuss out because of your back). Actually, I would have a fun time playing racquetball with Jenn because she's so competetive. Maybe we'll have a racquetball competetition this spring between the four of us, or we'll pit our teams against each other...hmmmm, I like that idea!

Hobbies

I have a hobby called poi. It's something out of New Zealand and a lot of Polynesians do it. It's basically a form of fire dancing. I might learn how to do more things with fire, but so far this has kept me happy. Check it out!

Back Into Things

One thing I never get tired of is karate. I'm never in the kind of funk where I don't want to go to karate. It's sort of my addiction. Most of my motivation to get back into shape is so that I can do karate the way I want to--hard and fast. I'll see if I can get a picture of me in my gi on here someday.

I wish working out at the gym was as addictive as karate, but it's just not. It's not bad, but it's just not the same rush.

I teach karate with my brother. We get along pretty well when we're in the dojo. I especially love it when he takes the reins and I can get in there with the students and work up a good sweat. It's hard to teach and workout some days. Today was a good day--a lot of sweat.

I'm coming out of the funk, which is good since layout is just around the corner and it's an intense couple of days--more diet Coke than usual. I still haven't stopped drinking the stuff, but I'm still only downing one or two cans a day. I feel okay about that for now. I still probably need to quit soda if I want to finish off the last ten pounds. It's just that right now, the last ten pounds seem pretty far away. I realize I could quit the soda and probably lose the first ten pounds, but I know they're coming off anyway. It's the last ten I expect to be a challenge. Good thing the end of the year is still almost a year away. I have a whole summer of yardwork and walking between now and then.

Funk

I'm in a funk. With everything. I know it because absolutely everything bothers me. I want to work out with Carl and get annoyed that I have to drive and that I have to go when someone can watch my baby. I want to work on the magazine and get annoyed that I have to clean my house. I want to clean my house and get annoyed that I have to work on the magazine.

Definitely a funk. It's like I"m hitting my maximum time limit of interest on several things at once. I figured I'd hit a burnout with the gym around six weeks (yep), this is the longest I've stayed home as a mom and although not the longest I've nursed, it's the same time I stopped nursing my second child. I want to stop nursing and I don't, I want to work out with Carl and I don't, I want to stay home as a mom and I don't. Right now I can't even please myself.

I worked out today--two hours of karate and then a workout at home. I worked out on the Bowflex, did some reps with the wheel, and looked up some excercises for these groovy new ankle weights I bought. I'm tired, I'm sweaty, and I get grouchy when I burn gas for a workout when I can do so much at home. Some people don't work out if they stay home. I work out all the time at home. That's not my weight problem.

I do work out harder with Carl. He pushes my limits past what I would ever do. I know that. I feel better after working out with Carl, but I'm still in a funk about it today. Who knows when I'll be out of this. It's not just Carl, it's everything. Everything's bothering me right now.

And, no, I do not have pms. If I had pms, I would have called it that and not a funk.

Anyway, now I'm bothered by blogging. I need to take a shower and put on something other than sweats and a t-shirt. See you later.