STUPID

I have this dessert leftover from the barbecue Carl missed. It's a low-cal, low-carb dessert from a diabetic cookbook recipe so it's really not supposed to be that bad for you, but I think we need to redefine 'bad.'

I grew up in a family that was pretty poor. We didn't have running water in our house for awhile and I have vivid memories of putting my snowsuit and snowboots on over my nightgown in the middle of the night to trek to the outhouse to pee. A philosophy of not wasting anything is deeply instilled in me. My family values included eating zuchinni with every meal so that it didn't go to waste, and composting any part of anything that we couldn't actually eat. When I first met my husband and we went out on dates, he had to convince me that it was okay to take something home in a 'to go' box instead of stuffing myself sick so that nothing was left on my plate.

I still struggle with the value of not wasting anything, which is in essence a good value. It means we don't take what we don't need and makes it easier to track the pocketbook, but it also means that I eat every leftover we have in the fridge. Most of the leftovers are good, like soup, lean meat, and vegetables.

But right now the leftovers include this dessert that's not too damaging, but not necessary, either. I'm eating it, not because I want dessert, but just so that it doesn't go to waste. I've been consciously eating a bowl a day with the aim of getting it out of the fridge and washing my cake pan. I don't want any, even though it tastes good (especially with whipped cream), but I'm eating it when I'm not hungry and not really even craving something sweet. STUPID.

So I threw the rest of it away and washed the pan. I have to give myself permission to let food I DON'T NEED go to waste if that's what it means. I'll still eat leftover soup for lunch because it's a meal and it's good for me, but I won't shovel a 'healthy' dessert' in my mouth just because I feel guilty if it doesn't get eaten. My duties as Mom might include supervising chores, vacuuming, or bathing the baby, but it doesn't have to include 'eating all of the leftovers in the fridge so that they don't go to waste.'

Enough said.